For the past week I have been really pushing myself to be more actively engaged in expressing my creativity. Either through my paintings or through my writing. The issue for me has been that some nights, I am just so emotionally exhausted that I just want to stay at home and do nothing. And some times that is okay. But not all the time. I remind myself that I spent a good part of my life doing nothing. I need to be doing something. So, the other night I am sitting at my desk, and I realize I have all of these different types of paints in a wide variety of colors. Some of which had been sitting on my desk for quite some time. And paint, like a lot of things, just dries up over time if you don't use it. So I reached in to my drawer and grabbed a piece of acrylic paper. I then took out my grease paints, and just started coloring. I didn't know what I was creating. I had no idea where I was going with the picture. That is the beauty of art. Sometimes, you just start on a journey, and the picture will direct you.
That was the case with this picture. I just sat there frantically applying color and blending it on the paper, hoping that something would come to mind as to what to do with the picture. Nothing. I decided that the picture needed some stained glass paint. It has become one of my favorite materials with which to paint. It is traditionally used on glass to give the appearance of true stained glass, but I have found it works wonders and looks absolutely magical on a canvas surface. So I grabbed one color and started applying lines and circles. And then another circle. And another and so on. By this point, I wasn't concerned about how "artistic" it looked, or if it was too much or not enough. Fueled by an insatiable desire to get this burst of creativity out of my system, I just applied splashes of stained glass paint with reckless abandon. All while this is going on, I can hear my best friend downstairs watching the news. I was brought up by my parents and teachers to be informed of current events, but in the past few years, it has just become too much to bear. So as I am painting, I am hearing the news stories, which is just adding more layers of stress to my psyche. With the anxiety, grief, and frustration I am already feeling from the events of the past few years, I feel so encased in this negative gauze that it is sometimes impossible to function. But this night some how I am using that anxiety to fuel the creation of this piece. And when it was all said and done, here is the finished product:
I had no idea at first what to call it. Because it didn't look like anything specific.
I thought about calling it "Clusterf*ck," because that is really what it looks like.
But then I thought of something more majestic sounding. Pandemonium. Not only does it capture the look of the picture, but it also captures how I was feeling at the time it was created.
Please feel free to comment on this piece, or if you just want to talk with me about what is going on in your world.
If you have read this far, thank you for staying with me.